i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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