i already hear my dad disowning me
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
