She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
