i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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