I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
