No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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