so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
