it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My pussy is not your playground.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
