all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
