Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
