I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
