we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
