Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
