he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
