my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
