No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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