Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
