I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
