There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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