Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
