ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
