I feel like I'm in dance class right now
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
