Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
