i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
