I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
