sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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