Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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