he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
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