Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
