I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
