and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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