the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
