My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
