I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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