Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
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When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
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we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
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