Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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