I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
