Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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