i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
You peed on a flamingo?!?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
