I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
