She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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