I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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