haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
