Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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