Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
