you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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