I cannot find my penis.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
