my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
