Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
