apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
