Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
