My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
How's work?
Spinning.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize