Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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