May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
