My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize