matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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