i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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