Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
