found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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