Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
