Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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