All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
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Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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