I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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