I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
