I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
