How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
