he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
